ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
