Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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