Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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