There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
