I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
