Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is wine microwaveable?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
