can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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