i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
