Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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