Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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