There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
