two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
