the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
