her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
