She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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