Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
