Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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