she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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