Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
