Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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