I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
