shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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