Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
