I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
