when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
