when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
