May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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