I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
