I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
