.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
