Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
