You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
