put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
