***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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