Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
