You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
