She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
