Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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