3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
