i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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