hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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