Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
