just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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