You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
