just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
