I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
