apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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