Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
