im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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