I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
