i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
