She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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