Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
