There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
