I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
