I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize