I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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