so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
