It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
