Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
