Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize