didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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