Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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