we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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