we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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